I should have protected her that night.
My skin burns with white fire, brightest on the back of my neck, it sears. This ever present ever heightened new static state of being. Foggy but jaggy, the whole world now appears. I’m carrying in my throat the lumps of pain, regret and shame. Swimming through my being is The Fear, the most terrifying fear that this is not a dream. This is what they call real. This is what my life is from now on, no rewind, no skip to next chapter, no second chance at trying to save her. It’s real. This is what my life is and will be every day when I awake.
Empty of her.