I have tried to catch the thoughts that fly through my head from the other world. They seem to fly mainly from the right and leave through the left. But it’s like trying to catch a comet’s tail. It spins, like a Catherine wheel firework, spinning, sparking, too fast to catch a spark.
If I do catch ones tail I can have a look where it began and quickly write it down, as once you catch the tail of a shooting star, you have the key and the thoughts just flow. Too quickly. Always too quickly. I lose my grip. The thoughts slip away, back into the nullness. The void. 0000. Most probably they will never return as this has very rarely happened. And that saddens me relentless.
Sometimes the thoughts shout out at me. Hidden messages in the television, people’s words, meaningful coincidences. Words that have been spinning round your head in chaos, so many, so complex the ideas, the thoughts get too busy to read. Specific paragraphs of books, phrases, themes, archetypes. The ‘key points’ are flashed to me in the world around me. Like clues. Like nudges. Synchronicity. When it happens so frequent you almost get spooked. It’s like your thought has been taken, out of your mind and placed in your world for you to witness. Your deepest self reflected back at you. No one could know these thoughts except you, yet here they are, their key points flashing at you, wanting to be noticed in the walls of your world.
This had to be an outside force. Suddenly my world felt like a bubble with a vast unknown outside of it. So uncanny and deeply meaningful and unlikely to happen are the coincidences. Your reality shifts. Then you feel crazy and you wonder, what it must be like to keep a hold of that Catherine pin-wheel and spin along with all its flowing thoughts, fly with them as they happen. And let someone else fly with them too. That is magic. So I keep on writing.
Turn off memo pad. My phone reads exactly 00.00. I stare at the four zeros. It seems blank somehow. A blankness. Like my phone had been wiped clean and was back to factory settings, the clock reset to zeros. Then the last zero flips to a 1 and 0001 is born, the first number in binary after the zero. I think prefer nulls. Unpicking a program code was hard enough when I was 10 but when you are knee deep running through the coding of the universe, it can feel like chaos. Order will always come. The game will play smoothly, no glitches. A happy ending. Clocked.